What follows is a transcript of a Zoom conversation

between me and my good friend Riki, a young woman in China who has, from time to time, trusted me to be her coach.

Ordinarily, I open our conversations with something like,

"Okay, Riki, what would you like to be different today?"

and she presents me with an issue.

​

Check out Riki Describes Her Jail

(as the first in what may become a series with Riki)

​

Today was the second time I decided to try something different:

I would simply wait, saying nothing,

to see how long it would take before she spoke.

Can you guess what happened the second time?

Read on in suspense.

​

​

05:02:46 --> 05:02:48

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Hi, lady.

05:02:47 --> 05:02:49

Riki: Hi.

05:02:49 --> 05:02:50

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:02:58 --> 05:03:00

Riki: I… yeah…

05:03:02 --> 05:03:05

Riki: Happy.

05:03:06 --> 05:03:08

Riki: It's.

05:03:09 --> 05:03:10

Riki: I, yeah, yeah, I think, yeah.

05:03:14 --> 05:03:18

Riki: I've been, you know, think about it.

05:03:18 --> 05:03:21

Riki: the proactive things, you know, for wake, for wake. But I, yeah, I…

05:03:21 --> 05:03:28

Riki: Got some, you know, confused about about this.

05:03:29 --> 05:03:33

Riki: Yeah, I.

05:03:33 --> 05:03:35

Riki: I, I, I, I know, uh, you know, I…

05:03:37 --> 05:03:42

Riki: I have been realizing, yeah, I keep saying, but I…

05:03:42 --> 05:03:48

Riki: I think the problem is I…

05:03:49 --> 05:03:53

Riki: have some, you know, misunderstanding about this, you know.

05:03:53 --> 05:03:59

Riki: I thought the proactive is, you know…

05:04:04 --> 05:04:10

Riki: do things…

05:04:12 --> 05:04:13

Riki: And you will do the things at first, you know, as the first people, and…

05:04:35 --> 05:04:43

Riki: And I…

05:04:46 --> 05:04:48

Riki: So, and I, I, I, I did before and I get got some not, not, not good feedback, so.

05:04:52 --> 05:05:01

Riki: But…

05:05:01 --> 05:05:03

Riki: I realize it's not nuts, you know, it's not…

05:05:05 --> 05:05:09

Riki: Like this, you know.

05:05:10 --> 05:05:13

Riki: Yeah, I think so.

05:05:13 --> 05:05:14

Riki: the.

05:05:14 --> 05:05:16

Riki: But still, I…

05:05:18 --> 05:05:20

Riki: I don't…

05:05:20 --> 05:05:22

Riki: No, you know, it's still confused, have some confused about about.

05:05:29 --> 05:05:35

Riki: You know, what, what is this in, uh, and.

05:05:35 --> 05:05:39

Riki: And…

05:05:42 --> 05:05:44

Riki: How to be proactive, you know, I, yeah.

05:05:46 --> 05:05:52

Riki: Square.

05:05:54 --> 05:05:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You're confused.

05:05:56 --> 05:05:57

Riki: Yeah, okay.

05:05:58 --> 05:05:59

Riki: Oh.

05:06:07 --> 05:06:08

Riki: So.

05:06:09 --> 05:06:11

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): No, you're not confused, you're scared.

05:06:14 --> 05:06:17

Riki: It's…

05:06:14 --> 05:06:15

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And you're not willing to face the fear.

05:06:25 --> 05:06:28

Riki: Yup.

05:06:25 --> 05:06:27

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And feel the fear. You're scared.

05:06:29 --> 05:06:32

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know the fuck what to do.

05:06:34 --> 05:06:36

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): See, you haven't even made a request. You just make a report. Report, report, report. No request! You've made no request at all. Then I'm going to sit up until I hear a request.

05:06:36 --> 05:06:46

Riki: Yeah, but yeah.

05:06:55 --> 05:06:58

Riki: I-E-R-O.

05:06:59 --> 05:07:01

Riki: What?

05:07:08 --> 05:07:09

Riki: But what what yeah.

05:07:13 --> 05:07:15

Riki: It's…

05:07:18 --> 05:07:20

Riki: Great.

05:07:28 --> 05:07:29

Riki: Yeah, but.

05:07:40 --> 05:07:42

Riki: Why? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:07:48 --> 05:07:51

Riki: Why, why, why it's, yeah, yeah, yeah, why it's, let me.

05:08:02 --> 05:08:08

Riki: Yeah, you said it's it.

05:08:14 --> 05:08:16

Riki: Oh…

05:08:23 --> 05:08:25

Riki: Why? It's because my fear, I just.

05:08:26 --> 05:08:33

Riki: Oh.

05:08:51 --> 05:08:53

Riki: S.

05:08:53 --> 05:08:55

Riki: Sorry, I just, yeah, I didn't.

05:09:08 --> 05:09:11

Riki: What's different, you know, is…

05:09:16 --> 05:09:19

Riki: The request and all.

05:09:19 --> 05:09:22

Riki: like…

05:09:24 --> 05:09:25

Riki: Uh, or, or questions, or…

05:09:33 --> 05:09:36

Riki: I…

05:09:36 --> 05:09:38

Riki: Thoughts?

05:09:38 --> 05:09:39

Riki: Yeah, just, yeah.

05:10:04 --> 05:10:06

Riki: I…

05:10:06 --> 05:10:08

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:10:18 --> 05:10:20

Riki: Understand why, you know.

05:10:22 --> 05:10:25

Riki: So…

05:10:27 --> 05:10:28

Riki: Why…

05:10:32 --> 05:10:35

Riki: So…

05:10:44 --> 05:10:46

Riki: Tell. Oh.

05:10:46 --> 05:10:48

Riki: My.

05:10:50 --> 05:10:51

Riki: Okay.

05:11:02 --> 05:11:03

Riki: Yeah. Oh, okay. Can you?

05:11:17 --> 05:11:20

Riki: Can you give me, you know, like…

05:11:22 --> 05:11:25

Riki: Sorry…

05:11:27 --> 05:11:29

Riki: Explanation, you know, between, you know, request or.

05:11:29 --> 05:11:34

Riki: What?

05:11:34 --> 05:11:35

Riki: Oh…

05:11:39 --> 05:11:40

Riki: A report, or quite, uh…

05:11:41 --> 05:11:44

Riki: Requestions? I just…

05:11:44 --> 05:11:47

Riki: Don't know.

05:11:52 --> 05:11:54

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): That was almost a question. Almost!

05:11:56 --> 05:12:00

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): If you said, can you please explain what a question or request is?

05:12:02 --> 05:12:08

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam):  It's so fucking simple.

05:12:08 --> 05:12:14

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Give me something. Give me an answer. Give me the salt.

05:12:15 --> 05:12:20

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Will you pay the bill?

05:12:21 --> 05:12:23

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Those are all requests.

05:12:23 --> 05:12:25

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Don't they have requests in Chinese?

05:12:26 --> 05:12:29

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Do they have request in Chinese? Do they have a Chinese word for request?

05:12:29 --> 05:12:34

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but.

05:12:37 --> 05:12:40

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): So what the fuck is the problem?

05:12:40 --> 05:12:43

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): to know what a request is and do one.

05:12:44 --> 05:12:48

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yes, there's a request for information, the request for action.

05:12:48 --> 05:12:53

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): There's requests for a promise. There's requests for some...

05:12:55 --> 05:12:59

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Just a simple request.

05:13:00 --> 05:13:02

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): What the fuck is so difficult to see? … you gotta know what a request is. When you were 2 years old, you knew what a request was. Remember what you knew at 2. That's all you gotta do.

05:13:04 --> 05:13:16

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You requested all over the place at two.

05:13:17 --> 05:13:20

Riki: Yeah. Oh, yeah.

05:13:20 --> 05:13:22

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Just remember what the two-year-old knows.

05:13:21 --> 05:13:24

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Two year old knows you forgot.

05:13:24 --> 05:13:27

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Well, you think you forgot. You know you don't want to know. It's scary to fucking make requests. You might get a fucking "no."

05:13:29 --> 05:13:38

Riki: Yeah.

05:13:29 --> 05:13:31

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:13:39 --> 05:13:41

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): People might think you're…

05:13:39 --> 05:13:41

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Impolite!

05:13:42 --> 05:13:43

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): People might get angry with you, really angry, not like I'm pretending angry now. You know, they might, they might blame the fuck out of you. Oh my God, the end of the world.

05:13:44 --> 05:13:56

Riki: Yeah.

05:13:44 --> 05:13:46

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Oh, poor little Riki.

05:13:56 --> 05:13:59

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You're not so fragile.

05:14:01 --> 05:14:04

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:14:04 --> 05:14:06

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Come on.

05:14:04 --> 05:14:05

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:14:05 --> 05:14:07

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): The two-year-old knows. Start making requests.

05:14:07 --> 05:14:10

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Don't fucking pretend you don't know.

05:14:11 --> 05:14:14

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know.

05:14:17 --> 05:14:19

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And I'm going to wait for a request, a clear one.

05:14:23 --> 05:14:26

Riki: Yeah.

05:14:40 --> 05:14:41

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:14:47 --> 05:14:48

Riki: Yeah. Could you tell me how to be proactive? Like, yeah, and.

05:14:48 --> 05:14:53

Riki: Oh.

05:14:53 --> 05:14:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Sure, very simple.

05:14:56 --> 05:14:58

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Think of how a two-year-old is.

05:14:58 --> 05:15:01

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): A two-year ask, ask, ask. No, no, no. Ask, ask, ask. They get, yeah, some things they get, some things they don't. They keep asking.

05:15:03 --> 05:15:12

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): That's a that's okay.

05:15:12 --> 05:15:15

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Two Euro says, no, no, no.

05:15:15 --> 05:15:18

Riki: Oh, oh, oh.

05:15:17 --> 05:15:19

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Sometimes they know as honored, sometimes they're not. That's what just two-year-old does. Just look at a two-year-old. That's how to be proactive.

05:15:18 --> 05:15:26

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): When you want to dance, you dance.

05:15:28 --> 05:15:31

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): When you want to cry, you cry.

05:15:31 --> 05:15:33

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): When you're frightened, you're frightened. You're suppressing.

05:15:34 --> 05:15:38

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): That's how to be proactive. Just look at your two-year-old. That's the guide of your life.

05:15:40 --> 05:15:46

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): The little toddler. Do you know the word toddler?

05:15:46 --> 05:15:49

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:15:49 --> 05:15:51

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah, the toddler.

05:15:51 --> 05:15:52

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You can teach us everything.

05:15:53 --> 05:15:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yes.

05:15:56 --> 05:15:57

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): We've got more, we can do it a more sophisticated way. Okay.

05:15:57 --> 05:16:01

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): All the answers are there.

05:16:02 --> 05:16:04

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): So what about that answer?

05:16:06 --> 05:16:09

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Did you not understand? Is there anything about my answer that I gave you that you did not understand or you want more explanation about?

05:16:09 --> 05:16:18

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, uh.

05:16:20 --> 05:16:23

Riki: Yeah, I, I, I…

05:16:29 --> 05:16:31

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:16:31 --> 05:16:35

Riki: But…

05:16:35 --> 05:16:36

Riki: You know.

05:16:36 --> 05:16:38

Riki: You can…

05:16:43 --> 05:16:45

Riki: But…

05:16:50 --> 05:16:52

Riki: Yeah, what…

05:16:52 --> 05:16:53

Riki: Yeah, just…

05:17:07 --> 05:17:09

Riki: Oh.

05:17:25 --> 05:17:26

Riki: If it's…

05:17:30 --> 05:17:32

Riki: But…

05:17:34 --> 05:17:35

Riki: In the real world, you know, I…

05:17:36 --> 05:17:39

Riki: Think can you?

05:17:39 --> 05:17:42

Riki: Cannot be a.

05:17:42 --> 05:17:44

Riki: Toddler, you know, when you…

05:17:44 --> 05:17:47

Riki: You know I know it's a you said it's a some like.

05:17:47 --> 05:17:54

Riki: For example, when you're at work, you know, you want to say something to your boss and, you know, most of the time I just want to, you know, say something directly.

05:18:01 --> 05:18:16

Riki: But…

05:18:16 --> 05:18:17

Riki: Part of me just know I can do it.

05:18:17 --> 05:18:21

Riki: piece.

05:18:21 --> 05:18:23

Riki: Like it's a confliction there, you know, I just.

05:18:23 --> 05:18:27

Riki: When that situation, what would you do, you know?

05:18:27 --> 05:18:32

Riki: Like, uh…

05:18:32 --> 05:18:35

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, so.

05:18:35 --> 05:18:37

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Somewhat of a question, okay? Very poor question, okay? But I maybe got the question, but I'm having to guess a lot. You're making me guess a lot to even know what the fuck you're asking, okay?

05:18:37 --> 05:18:50

Riki: Okay.

05:18:40 --> 05:18:42

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You make it really difficult on people, do you know? If you make it as difficult on others as you do on me, it's amazing.

05:18:50 --> 05:18:57

Riki: Okay, yeah.

05:18:50 --> 05:18:52

Riki: Yeah.

05:18:54 --> 05:18:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): People deal with you at all, okay?

05:18:57 --> 05:19:01

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And I'm not criticizing you, okay?

05:19:01 --> 05:19:04

Riki: Okay. Yeah.

05:19:04 --> 05:19:06

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah. Hey, yeah, okay, so you have something you want to request to your boss. You have… you have something you want to be different regarding your really… something with your boss or your work, is that right?

05:19:04 --> 05:19:15

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:19:15 --> 05:19:17

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah, and you have some concern, you know, about how the boss might feel, okay, or whatever, okay, yeah, and you have some interest in getting your request fulfilled, right?

05:19:16 --> 05:19:29

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Like, give me a specific example of a request with a boss. Give me a specific example.

05:19:29 --> 05:19:37

Riki: Yeah, huh?

05:19:29 --> 05:19:31

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): That you think you might have trouble with.

05:19:37 --> 05:19:39

Riki: Oh.

05:19:40 --> 05:19:42

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Or some no for a boss or something like that, whatever. You want to say no to the boss or you want to make a request to the boss. Give me a specific example.

05:19:44 --> 05:19:52

Riki: Like, it…

05:19:44 --> 05:19:46

Riki: No.

05:19:54 --> 05:19:56

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like.

05:20:00 --> 05:20:04

Riki: She asked me to do, you know.

05:20:04 --> 05:20:08

Riki: The things will, like, for, you know, from my point of view, it's unnecessary, and it will make the work complex, and.

05:20:08 --> 05:20:19

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:20:18 --> 05:20:20

Riki: It's, yeah.

05:20:19 --> 05:20:21

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, okay, all right. So all right. So she made a request. Okay? And you have a you have a concern in terms about enjoying it right? I mean, like, you're not quite sure how you can enjoy that, or it's it seems like it wouldn't be. You can't see how you can enjoy it so easy to do it right.

05:20:20 --> 05:20:39

Riki: Yeah.

05:20:26 --> 05:20:27

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And your number one job is take care of yourself, just like the toddler. So you want to speak up, right?

05:20:39 --> 05:20:47

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:20:47 --> 05:20:48

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay? Of course, there's a question of how to do that. You know, sure, as an adult, we can be more sophisticated, you know, but the principle is the same.

05:20:47 --> 05:20:58

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Find a way. Okay.

05:20:58 --> 05:21:01

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And so here, yes, and you want… I mean, a part of you does want the boss to be happy, so you have… you… you maybe have a little bit further… I mean, see, you can… the toddler is not so concerned, maybe, about the happiness of the mother or something like that, okay?

05:21:01 --> 05:21:18

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But it hasn't got to that point, but you have that broader concern, because you're looking more wrong range, right, than the toddler can look, okay? Sure, yeah. So, yes, that's in context.

05:21:18 --> 05:21:31

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, the spirit is the same. Speak up, speak, do something. Don't tolerate, okay.

05:21:31 --> 05:21:40

Riki: Yep.

05:21:40 --> 05:21:41

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): So, but then you could say, okay, so you might say to your boss.

05:21:40 --> 05:21:44

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Look, I really want to…

05:21:45 --> 05:21:48

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): to do what you said. You know, I'm having a hard time seeing…

05:21:48 --> 05:21:54

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): how I want to be helpful and do a good job and get the results. And I'm having a hard time knowing.

05:21:54 --> 05:22:05

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): how to follow that, because some seem just, I don't see quite how it's necessary. Maybe it is necessary, I just don't see it.

05:22:05 --> 05:22:13

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Or, uh, and there's other things that I know are important for you to do, and I, I, I, I'm gonna maybe have to make some choices, and, uh, to, to, uh, so can you…

05:22:13 --> 05:22:24

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): can I… can you share more about me, so I can understand how I… how you can really be satisfied here, and in a way that I can see it will…

05:22:24 --> 05:22:34

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): That I can be really behind it myself too. Would you be willing to do that? It'd be really helpful, boss.

05:22:35 --> 05:22:42

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Now, I don't know how the boss is going to reply. Okay.

05:22:43 --> 05:22:47

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:22:47 --> 05:22:49

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But you're asking, you're asking, you're putting in the context of like, hey, yeah, you do want to, you know, to, but, and yeah, you're, the boss is the boss, but it's also a partnership, and you can, you can.

05:22:47 --> 05:23:02

​

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Say bye-bye.
05:23:02 --> 05:23:03

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah, and the boss knows that.

05:23:04 --> 05:23:06

Riki: Yeah.

05:23:04 --> 05:23:05

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah.

05:23:06 --> 05:23:07

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You've got power, okay? Okay. And… and… and your job is to take care of yourself, and… and part of that is… is… is loving what you're doing, because if you're not loving what you're doing.

05:23:07 --> 05:23:19

Riki: Yeah.

05:23:10 --> 05:23:11

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): in the big picture, I mean, your bosses may be looking very short-range theirself, okay? That's a problem even with bosses, okay?

05:23:19 --> 05:23:27

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): They're not looking long range, okay? But in the big picture, you need to stay happy at your job. It's not gonna be good for the boss in the company or you, and you end up leaving or whatever.

05:23:27 --> 05:23:42

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): If you though, so if you don't.

05:23:42 --> 05:23:46

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Speak up.

05:23:46 --> 05:23:48

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You're sabotaging everybody.

05:23:48 --> 05:23:51

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Now the boss may not be comfortable with it. Hey.

05:23:51 --> 05:23:56

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): the courage. That's where courage comes in. Be willing for people. Yes, you do. You can do what you can do.

05:23:57 --> 05:24:05

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Two.

05:24:05 --> 05:24:06

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): reduce the likelihood. Yeah, if you just say no, you know, and, and, you know, that's, that's not likely to land well. You, you can be more sophisticated.

05:24:06 --> 05:24:19

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Then the toddler, yes, don't want to throw away that knowledge, okay?

05:24:19 --> 05:24:24

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But you don't want to… but you… but you don't want to… but you've done if you've thrown away the not… the wisdom of the child, and knowing. Ask! Ask!

05:24:24 --> 05:24:34

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Ask. Take care of yourself. No, no, no. Take care of yourself. Okay?

05:24:34 --> 05:24:41

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:24:41 --> 05:24:43

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You don't have to teach children to be proactive. Proactiveness has been, if you will, drilled out of us. We drill it out of ourselves. Oh, it's dangerous to be proactive. Dangerous? You would think it's dangerous? No? Well, yeah, in the short term.

05:24:42 --> 05:24:59

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): People may be upset with you.

05:24:59 --> 05:25:01

Riki: Yah.

05:25:01 --> 05:25:02

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But it's very dangerous long term.

05:25:02 --> 05:25:05

Riki: Yeah.

05:25:08 --> 05:25:09

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And everybody, almost everybody's acting very short-term. Parents, they say they're acting long-term when they insist their kids go to school. It's very short-term thinking of parents. Okay.

05:25:08 --> 05:25:20

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): They're not thinking long term.

05:25:20 --> 05:25:21

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But you've got the whole life. You could see the big picture. I mean, at least bigger.

05:25:22 --> 05:25:28

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know, and keep coming back to your number one job. And hey, maybe you're in a situation where you need to leave this company.

05:25:28 --> 05:25:39

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You see, always be willing to walk away.

05:25:39 --> 05:25:44

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah, it's not your first choice. Okay, you're going to do what you can do. Okay.

05:25:46 --> 05:25:52

Riki: E A.

05:25:46 --> 05:25:47

Riki: Yeah.

05:25:52 --> 05:25:54

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But see, if you're not willing to walk away, you have no fucking power.

05:25:52 --> 05:25:59

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:25:59 --> 05:26:01

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Because people will get that, and they'll use blame, they'll use guilt, they'll use all that stuff, and you will be dominated.

05:25:59 --> 05:26:09

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:26:09 --> 05:26:11

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And it's not good for you, and it's not good for them either, okay? They're acting short-range too, okay? But you can't… you can't… you know, you don't have any direct access to how she responds. You do have direct access.

05:26:11 --> 05:26:26

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): to how you are, Ricky.

05:26:26 --> 05:26:28

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): It only takes one person to change.

05:26:28 --> 05:26:32

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:26:28 --> 05:26:31

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And that's you.

05:26:32 --> 05:26:34

Riki: Sure.

05:26:34 --> 05:26:35

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay. And what's amazing?

05:26:34 --> 05:26:37

Riki: Okay.

05:26:36 --> 05:26:37

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You mentioned something about you did something and you got a bad result. I don't know what that was, but okay, maybe you didn't really do what I'm talking about. I'm not sure. And it doesn't mean you're not going to get the results you don't want sometime. Of course you're going to get results you don't want.

05:26:38 --> 05:26:55

Riki: Sure.

05:26:49 --> 05:26:51

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Life is, that's risk, risk, risk, risk, you know.

05:26:55 --> 05:27:00

Riki: Yeah.

05:26:58 --> 05:26:59

Riki: Yeah.

05:27:01 --> 05:27:03

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know, and if you think you're… and if you're gonna get by with people not being upset with you, you're already lost. You already lost the game before you even started. If you're not willing, yes, it's uncomfortable. Yes, there's fear, and there's gonna be a lot of fear for you.

05:27:01 --> 05:27:17

Riki: Yeah, okay.

05:27:03 --> 05:27:04

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Cause you are a missed goody two shoes.

05:27:17 --> 05:27:21

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): I won't upset anybody. You know, I look so meek.

05:27:21 --> 05:27:27

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:27:24 --> 05:27:27

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Oh, by the way, did you?

05:27:27 --> 05:27:29

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): I didn't ask your permission directly for this, but our last conversation.

05:27:29 --> 05:27:36

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): you know.

05:27:36 --> 05:27:37

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): The AI is transcribing everything we say right now, okay?

05:27:37 --> 05:27:42

Riki: Yeah, thank you.

05:27:43 --> 05:27:44

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Last conversation I posted on. If you want me to take it down, I will. I hope you don't. Okay. And there's going to be a song coming out about it too. Okay. About my conversation with you about how I waited seven minutes before you opened your mouth and said anything.

05:27:43 --> 05:27:59

Riki: Okay.

05:27:53 --> 05:27:54

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:27:59 --> 05:28:00

Riki: Okay, bye.

05:27:59 --> 05:28:02

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And this time, in terms of actually making a real request, I think it was even longer in a certain sense this time. Okay.

05:28:01 --> 05:28:11

Riki: Yeah, it…

05:28:11 --> 05:28:13

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): So.

05:28:11 --> 05:28:13

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): I've got a few more minutes. What do you want to give feedback on?

05:28:13 --> 05:28:19

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Oh, by the way, is that okay that I did that and can I?

05:28:19 --> 05:28:23

Riki: Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

05:28:22 --> 05:28:25

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay. Good. Okay. What were you about to say?

05:28:23 --> 05:28:27

Riki: Yeah.

05:28:28 --> 05:28:29

Riki: Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just, yeah.

05:28:29 --> 05:28:33

Riki: Um, uh, oh, oh, yeah.

05:28:33 --> 05:28:36

Riki: Yeah, it's just, I think, yeah, yeah, just.

05:28:36 --> 05:28:39

Riki: Sort of, you know, you know, when, when I ask the, the, the boss problem, I find if it's, it's what if, you know, I just have one more question. What if.

05:28:40 --> 05:28:53

Riki: it's the, you know, like, the proactive things in requests between the friends. I mean, uh, when the…

05:28:53 --> 05:29:01

Riki: When it happened to boss, you know, I have power to, you know, just leave, but when it's.

05:29:02 --> 05:29:08

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You are with French, too!

05:29:07 --> 05:29:10

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You have power with everybody.

05:29:10 --> 05:29:12

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Well, it's not different.

05:29:12 --> 05:29:14

Riki: There.

05:29:13 --> 05:29:15

Riki: Okay, okay, yeah, okay.

05:29:15 --> 05:29:18

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): It's not. Yeah, Fred.

05:29:17 --> 05:29:20

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Friendship is not guaranteed and should not be guaranteed. Friends who take each other for granted don't treat each other well.

05:29:20 --> 05:29:28

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay.

05:29:29 --> 05:29:30

Riki: Okay, okay, okay, yeah.

05:29:30 --> 05:29:33

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know.

05:29:31 --> 05:29:33

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, it's the same. Okay.

05:29:33 --> 05:29:36

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Yeah, I'm not saying you don't do what you can do, I'm not… you know, sometimes people get it, like, oh, just, well, **** that, or whatever, you know, you're gonna be that way. No! You know, you do whatever you can do to invite partnership, you know, given the context and everything, especially if you have a long…

05:29:36 --> 05:29:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): relationship together, try to invite partnership. Okay, but.

05:29:55 --> 05:30:00

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Ultimately, you decide, is it worth it or not? You take care of yourself and you can't, you know.

05:30:00 --> 05:30:07

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Just.

05:30:08 --> 05:30:09

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Real quick situation, huh? You know, I had this.

05:30:09 --> 05:30:13

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): A very interesting friend before I moved in.

05:30:13 --> 05:30:16

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): I rarely… somebody… I hardly ever think of anybody blocking me on some sort of media, but I said something to her, and when I did it, I had very good reason to say it to her, and I suspected it was really going to upset her, but I didn't know how to get something important without doing it.

05:30:16 --> 05:30:36

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And she ended up blocking. Okay.

05:30:36 --> 05:30:40

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And I… I understood. I would prefer that she didn't block me, and I… I'm not too surprised that she did. Well, it just so happened, it's about… since that happened, it's had about, um…

05:30:40 --> 05:30:52

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): How long has it been? A little over two months, I think, okay? And I just happened to be in the neighborhood where I used to live yesterday, and we ran into her.

05:30:53 --> 05:31:04

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, this woman blocked me, and she's totally friendly with me.

05:31:04 --> 05:31:09

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know.

05:31:09 --> 05:31:10

Riki: Okay.

05:31:10 --> 05:31:12

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): And I said, you blocked me. I said, yeah, yeah, you're being angry. I said, no, I didn't make you angry. You're self-angry. But anyway.

05:31:10 --> 05:31:22

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): But now she unblocked me, okay? But I didn't blame her back. I mean, yeah, I understand. I was willing to take the risks that she's gonna block me, and she did. I mean, I really get blocked, but she did, okay? Or get upset.

05:31:22 --> 05:31:37

Riki: Oh.

05:31:22 --> 05:31:23

Riki: Okay, okay.
05:31:35 --> 05:31:37

​

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): because of the situation, you know. So, you know, and in that, you know, it doesn't guarantee that somebody's… but in this particular case, she unblocked me. I saw her this morning, she said, hi there!

05:31:37 --> 05:31:50

Riki: Yeah.

05:31:40 --> 05:31:41

Riki: Oh.

05:31:41 --> 05:31:42

Riki: Yeah, oh yeah, it's nice, yeah.

05:31:50 --> 05:31:53

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay. All right. Oh, by the way.

05:31:53 --> 05:31:57

Riki: Okay.

05:31:54 --> 05:31:55

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): You know, I'm coming to Kunming, right? You know that?

05:31:57 --> 05:32:00

Riki: Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, yeah.

05:31:59 --> 05:32:02

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, so I'm thinking of doing a workshop. Could you, if we do a workshop, can you help me, help me with it like we did last time?

05:32:01 --> 05:32:10

Riki: Yeah, yeah.

05:32:07 --> 05:32:09

Riki: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

05:32:10 --> 05:32:12

Dwight (DaNang, Vietnam): Okay, all right, all right. Thank you, love. Next time.

05:32:11 --> 05:32:14

Riki: Yeah.