AskDwightHow.org 365/24/7
THE 14:24 GUEST HOUSE
"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant."
14m 24s
"Don't you think I'm great?!
I love creating these images for you."
~Blaming is everywhere
We don't have to look very far or wait very long to notice someone blaming someone else, or themselves.
We can notice others doing it, Trump, or Harris, and their detractors are easy examples to observe.
Or look closer to home.
Is anyone you know blaming either themselves, feeling guilty, another, or even you?
Are you blaming yourself or any other person that you know?
Hint: if you feel defensive, that's a sign that you're blaming the person who stimulated your defensiveness.
Blaming ourselves and others is a deeply ingrained habit for many of us. And it must have some benefits (although all the benefits are short-term).
But let's look at the costs by asking two simple questions.
"Is the blame of this person, even if this person is yourself, likely to change their behavior in the way that you would like?"
"What costs are likely to be incurred if this person feels blamed?
Will they get defensive?
Will they blame back?
Will they become more entrenched in their behavior?"
Blame is one of the least effective, and most costly, ways to effect change, in either ourselves or others, especially permanent change.
On top of that, it comes with a lot of costs that often far outweigh any benefits that we may have gotten.
Blame (And Guilt): The Sucker's Bet
Oh, blaming's here, and blaming's there,
It's blaming, blaming everywhere!
Just turn your head, just look around,
In every town the blame game’s found.
The famous folks upon the stage,
They point their fingers, full of rage.
Their fans all cheer, then blame the same,
All forget they play a loser’s game.
Oh blaming, blaming, all around—
In you, in me, in every town!
It feels so true, it feels so right,
You’re an addict of spewing spite!
But don't just point at far-off names,
Come closer home to find blame games.
Is someone that you know quite well
A-blaming you, or guilting self?
Or do you feel guilty? Do you fret?
Do you blame folks that you have met?
And here's a hint to help you spy it—
If you’re defensive, then you’ve got it!
For when you feel that hot defense
Rise in your chest and grip you tense,
That is the sign, so clear, so plain,
You're tangled up in blame's own chain!
It's such a habit, deep and old,
A righteous story forever told.
It gives us something, quick and small,
A quickie fix, a moment’s all.
For every gain that blame provides
The lasting harm is what abides.
So here's a question, ask it true:
Will blaming change what people do?
Will pointing fingers fix it right,
Do things go better with dynamite?
And here's another, don't forget—
What price is paid, what cost is met?
Will they get mad, and blame you back?
Will they dig deeper down the track?
Will they get stiffer, harder, colder,
More dug-in now, more set, more bolder?
Oh blaming, blaming, all around—
In you, in me, in every town!
It feels so true, it feels so right,
You’re an addict of spewing spite!
For blaming lies, it's blaming's curse,
It rarely helps, it makes things worse.
The change we want won't come from blame,
It only stokes a bigger flame.
So drop the finger, drop the blame,
And try a kinder, wiser game!